Respect and Reconciliation – Exploring EverythingDiSC™ Work Compatibility Factors, Stress Limitations, & Destructive Behaviors

This article serves a therapeutic function for me and perhaps for my colleague and fellow leadership coach, Gregg Ward, as well. Both of us have, and as of this publication, are enduring difficult conflicts related to our D-D personality style. That's when two Dominant styles clash, as with the most powerful man in the world and the wealthiest man in the world, who have been embroiled in a vitriolic social media discourse.

I am a mid-level D who instinctively adjusts intensity levels to fit the environment. Working with DiSC for over four decades, I have, unconsciously, become a human behavior chameleon, naturally and spontaneously adapting to the styles of other NORPS (normal, ordinary, responsible persons). This perceptual advantage has profoundly enriched my personal life and significantly sharpened my interpersonal discernment, far more than the average distracted person who misses nonverbal cues and the quality of breaks and shared silences. As Disraeli said, "There is no index of character so sure as the voice."

Recently, I have been happily completing work for my current caseload of clients and timing the simultaneous conclusion of concurrent projects to create a break from clients, and to dedicate more time to other opportunities to serve. My final client for the season before my big break was what became a charity case for an impossible-to-please person. Embarrassedly, I’m learning as I go, so my dealing with an out-of-control high D includes my mistakes and clumsy dealing with a dysfunctional personality.

Okay, here goes. A few months ago, a friend referred their acquaintance, Charlie X. Leonard, to me, a small business prospect who initially seemed somewhat normal, despite eccentric quirks like upfront admitting that he was not a very good money manager, that he had a hair-trigger temper that instantly exploded, going instantly from irritated to volcanic, and was generally disorganized and undisciplined. He looked the part, too. I should've known better.

When we first met, Charlie said that he expected people to take advantage of him because that had been his history (a bright yellow caution light). Stupidly, I missed that obvious cue. Having worked as a psychiatric aide in state mental hospitals with dangerous, hostile-explosive psychotics, I believed I could easily handle irregular or socially awkward people. Boy, was I wrong!

Because Charlie would be my last client for a while and because he was experiencing cash-flow problems, I generously offered him a significant cash discount, confident that as his lead-generation process gained momentum, he'd appreciate it later and we’d feel proud of having fulfilled our success expectations…plus he’d refer, as most do.

However, from 'hello,' the relationship quickly went downhill, as the client constantly created imaginary, future 'what-if' problems. He sent rude, insulting texts and long, unpunctuated emails containing nonsensical and unreasonable demands for tactics that would harm his business. In our initial meeting, this high D would not commit to a fixed work schedule but insisted that we'd 'do text and emails,' although he did not know that I never checked emails unless someone promised they'd send something important. Generally speaking, I don't read long SMS texts from friends because they're often irrelevant noise about the news and better handled verbally, preferably in person. I never engage in text or email battles, although such crazy-making behavior has become accepted by the hoi polloi as normal.

For example, recently I located and connected online with a long-lost DeDominicis cousin whom I'd never met. For whatever reason, his DMs were initially friendly and disclosing, but he quickly switched to attacking and insulting, inviting me to debate his “superior intellect.” Madness. Such behavior is an inappropriate use of technology and is ultimately self-defeating. Real, total person communication is belly-to-belly, eyeball-to-eyeball, not digital.



Charlie emitted smoke signals about his potential for misbehavior, but I thought that I could forgive such adolescent behaviors. Foolishly, I believed we could have a clearing session to discuss the terms under which we could work together. Because his behavior in a recent Zoom meeting was so rude and argumentative, I abruptly closed that session.

Then, I emailed him, suggesting that we could meet only if he agreed to ground rules of appropriate behavior: a planned and timed agenda, no interruptions, no distractions, no third parties, no disrespectful behavior, patient listening, dialogue not dominance, no oppositional conduct, and at the end, clear decisions and expectations.

Because he had become such a time-waster, the plan was to give this unteachable client, even when he disagreed with the experts, whatever he wanted, and even at considerable losses for all, to be able to discharge him and end association with an irreconcilable situation involving a nutcase. (I think that's the clinical designation.)

Some enjoy experiencing anger as a feeling of power

Conflict Resolution versus Productive Conflict

So, how has this aggressive D-D conflict resolved itself? It has not. Charlie has not responded to my request to first agree to practice professional courtesy in our meetings and to refrain from further extreme misbehaviors. (There are other examples of his inappropriate behaviors, but I won’t discredit him further.) He ignored that request and has not replied with a clear and distinct yes or no to my call for courtesy.



Instead, he sent yet another lengthy, unpunctuated list of demands, some of which were quite unreasonable. As you read this, I have sent him an ultimatum email, threatening not to schedule a meeting to make progress on and complete his project unless he first agrees to cooperate. His ignoring my request is a power play, so I remain stoic and stand firm in extinguishing the misbehavior typical of a disturbed adolescent. "I do not disturb disrespect or abuse from anyone" is my self-protection mantra, and it should be yours too.

My ultimate consolation about this tough D-D relationship is that it will eventually end somehow. Time is on my side. Henceforth, I will never again mistrust my healthy instincts when considering the potential onboarding of a questionable character. In the future, I'll include good behavior terms in my onboarding form for individuals with questionable character, which will probably be seen as a joke by NORPs (normal, ordinary, responsible persons).

A Conscientious Personality Style with Secondary i/D Traits

My 'Slight Edge' in Battle

What has equipped me to make good decisions in this challenging scenario is my knowledge of how to turn madness and immature acting out into productive conflict, a concept from the Wiley EverythingDiSC™ framework. How do we corral angry energy into a space where the root problem can be clearly and mutually defined by one simple sentence? Typically, when ad hominem is present, the perceived secondary benefits of anger are more important to the complainants than resolving the problem. Have you ever dealt with a similar situation? Let's compare notes.

My point is that disrespect has become the norm, not just in highway traffic or political debate, but everywhere in society. Clearly, as things become more chaotic and worse for everybody, this pattern will become even more ingrained as acceptable behavior.

How can we ever move from disrespect to reconciliation, at least in part? Forgiveness serves me because I know my antagonist is undisciplined, not intellectually bright, nor socially skilled. I can forgive Charlie X. because he is a victim of ignorance. Hate the sin and not the sinner, right? Could you respect the individual despite your emotions? Is that always possible?

Evaluations make people feel vulnerable. Be kind.

The Overall Cost of Workplace Conflict (including style conflicts)

• Hundreds of Billions Annually in the U.S.: Recent research (e.g., a study by Stephan Lendi in May 2025 and earlier studies by CPP Inc., now The Myers-Briggs Company) indicates that unresolved workplace conflict costs U.S. organizations over $350 billion annually. Some estimates even reach as high as $1.2 trillion annually, considering all aspects of poor communication.

• Time Lost: Employees spend a significant amount of time resolving conflicts rather than focusing on their core tasks.

• U.S. employees spend an average of 2.8 hours per week resolving conflicts. When scaled across the workforce, this lost time equates to approximately $359 billion in paid hours wasted annually in the U.S.

·        Managers are also heavily impacted, dedicating 20-40% of their time to handling conflicts.

How Style Conflicts Contribute to These Costs

1. Personality Clashes as a Major Cause:                                                                              Studies consistently show that personality clashes and ‘warring egos’ are among the top causes of workplace conflict. For example, some research indicates that 49% to 72% of workplace disputes arise from personality clashes. These ‘personality clashes’ are often direct manifestations of differing communication and work styles (like those described by DiSC), a problem that can be resolved.

2. Lost Productivity

When individuals with different styles clash, it can lead to...

Misunderstandings and Rework: Different communication styles can lead to misinterpreted messages, resulting in errors and the need for rework.

• Hindered Collaboration: If styles are not understood and respected, teamwork breaks down, impacting project timelines and innovation.

• Distraction and Reduced Focus: Employees involved in conflicts are often distracted and struggle to concentrate fully on their tasks.

•  Increased Turnover: Unresolved style conflicts are a significant driver of employees leaving their jobs. Up to 50% of employee departures are linked to workplace disputes. The cost of replacing an employee can range from 50% to 200% of their annual salary, totaling a staggering $1 trillion annually in conflict-related turnover for U.S. businesses.

• Disengagement and Low Morale: Persistent style clashes lead to disengaged employees who are less motivated and productive. Gallup estimates that disengagement due to conflict costs U.S. organizations between $450 billion and $550 billion each year. Poor morale can spread, creating a "us vs. them" mentality and resistance to leadership.

• Absenteeism and Presentism: Stress and anxiety from unresolved style conflicts contribute to increased absenteeism (employees taking time off) and presentism (employees being present but not fully productive). This can cost thousands of dollars per employee annually…and does!

• Legal and Health Costs: In extreme cases, style conflicts can escalate to harassment, discrimination claims, and even workplace violence, leading to substantial legal fees and increased healthcare costs due to stress-related illnesses.



• Damaged Reputation and Customer Dissatisfaction: Internal conflicts can spill over and affect customer interactions and a company's external reputation.

In essence, while "style conflicts" are a subset of overall workplace conflict, they represent a substantial portion of the financial drain on organizations. Investing in understanding and managing these style differences, as DiSC-based models aim to do, can lead to significant cost savings and a more productive, harmonious work environment.

This video, linked below, 'Respect and Reconciliation,' features a dialogue with leadership coach Gregg Ward as we explore DiSC work compatibility factors and our stress limitations. You may develop helpful insights that immediately illuminate what has been previously mysterious about your interpersonal relationships.

Harmony and peace to you, dear reader. Enjoy the video.

-Frank DeDominicis

REFERENCES

Gregg Ward & Frank DeDominicis - DiSC Compatibility Factors & Pressure Limitations                                                                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiPb8Uj0edI

Dysfunctional DiSC Patterns

https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:ugcPost:6992219077360451584/

Forget the Bat, Choose the Knee – Employee Conflict

https://www.barrywehmiller.com/post/blog/2020/03/05/forget-the-bat-choose-the-knee

The Impact of Well-Being in the Workplace                                 

https://ekgpower.com/the-impact-of-well-being-in-the-workplace/

The ROI of Employee Engagement                       

https://www.successbusiness101.com/the-roi-of-employee-engagement/

Disrespect is the New Norm - Gregg Ward

https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbescoachescouncil/2021/09/14/is-disrespect-the-new-norm-three-ways-to-combat-negative-behavior/